September 25, 2002

Awright, let's do this.

Top Ten Most Deplorable Hipster Attributes

10. Hails from the Midwest, lives somewhere in Brooklyn. HAHAHAHA no. Born in Brooklyn, live here, will likely die here. (Although I did spend a year in the west coast equivalent of Brooklyn -- Portland, Oregon. And I suppose that although Being From Brooklyn isn't a political act of conscious hipsterism, the act of Moving Back To Brooklyn very well might be.)

9. Owns at least two Guided By Voices albums. Own 'em; don't like 'em very much and never listen to 'em.

8. Firmly believes that Ralph Nader should have won the 2000 presidential election. I don't "firmly believe" that -- if I did I would have voted in that election. I did vote for him in '96, though. :-)

7. General arts over-education (i.e. has either designs to attend graduate school, is in graduate school or has gone to graduate school) Does a certificate course in graphic design count? (Oh, fuck, of COURSE it does.)

6. Parents shoulder some of his/her financial burden. Some of it, but mostly they help me figure out what kind of assets I have and help me liquidate them so I can pay off all the credit-card debt I've accumulated.

5. Owns at least three too tight T-shirts adorned with dated symbols (usually fuzzy or shiny/decal) with which he/she has absolutely no knowledge or connection.
No. I once "ironically" bought a used Rush t-shirt from the bargain bin at Domsey, though. This was nearly ten years ago and I don't think I ever wore it because I was afraid I might catch fleas.

4. Can readily and willfully recall the theme song from at least one television sitcom that was cancelled before his/her birth. Yeah, man, that Husker Du cover of the Mary Tyler Moore theme RAWKKKKKKED!! (It did!)

3. Will consciously muss and/or neglect to wash hair in order to achieve a 'look.' (male only) I'm female and I haven't washed my hair in three days. And you know what? It looks horrible!

2. Is of the opinion that 'Pet Sounds' is the greatest Beach Boys album (a comment generally follow by this statement): 'rivaling the Beatles' Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band.' I think the Pet Sounds Sessions box set is the greatest Beach Boys album, followed by the Smile Sessions box set. I don't really give a fuck about the Beatles. (This is the true hipster answer, by the way.)

1. Insists on calling movies 'film,' insists on calling concerts 'shows.' For me, "movies" are "movies" AND "film" AND "cinema" (ugh... only when absolutely necessary, I swear). I refer to most "concerts" as "shows" -- fewer syllables.